Love Strategies

Think of a time you felt truly and completely like you were being loved. 

Was it something you heard, saw or felt? 

A couple, John and Jane went in to see a hypnotist for some marriage counseling. 

They were feeling like they had lost the magic in their relationship and they were a couple that were once “madly in love” with each other. 

So the Hypnotist asked John first to think of a time when he felt like he was truly and completely being loved. 

“Think of a time, perhaps in your childhood” 

Was it something you heard being said to you? A touch? A gesture?” 

John answered that he felt loved when – 

1. He heard the words, “I love you John” He loved hearing his own name being uttered out loud. 

2. He also felt loved when he was cooked for, when he knew that the woman he adored, cared enough to go to the shops, buy ingredients, chop, marinate and spend time and effort in the kitchen for the sheer pleasure of satisfying his palate. 

3. When someone ran their hands through his scalp, his hair. Almost scratching with nails, through the top of his head, the neck, the sides of his head, he felt cared for, nurtured, loved…adored. 

Jane was asked the same question and she said that she felt truly loved when - 

1. She heard the words “you are so beautiful, Jane” whispered in her ear. Her name being said to her made her feel loved. 

2. When she was given thoughtful gifts, flowers or chocolate, basically when someone spent their precious time and money on her. She wanted to know that they were willing to give up something precious to make her feel good. 

3. When she was held firmly around her waist and kissed on her neck. Especially from behind her. Her waist is a pressure point that made her feel sexy, feminine, beautiful and desirable. She felt like she could lose herself in wild abandon and relish in the sensations of pleasure and hedonistic satisfaction when held that way. 

When either of them felt, saw or heard these things, they were like “buttons” being pushed which made them feel loved. When they first met, as most new loves, both were randomly doing everything for the other as you do in the early stages of a relationship. 

So, by default, they happened to press the right buttons as well, unknowingly, of course, like a child pressing all the floors in the elevator and hitting the right floor in the process. 

So, by “mistake” John was holding Jane’s waist facing her, from behind her, he was holding her hip too and her shoulder too, but he got the waist sometimes, just like even a broken clock gets the time right twice a day! 

Jane too was hitting the spots when she ran her hands through John’s scalp and his back and arms as well, she too like the clock, got it right a few times a day. 

The thing though is that after a relationship gets over the honeymoon stage, we humans tend to become comfortable and then we relax and revert to either not pressing buttons, or maybe pressing our own “buttons” on our partners. 

So what was happening in John and Jane’s case is that, of late, both of them were “missing the spot” 

Think about having an itch on your back and having your hands tied up holding a heavy box in front of you, and you ask your partner to scratch it for you and they just can’t seem to scratch the itch, missing it by centimeters all the time! Very very frustrating!!!! 

If you knew how easy and almost effortless it would be to make the person you love feel good, wouldn’t you just do it? Especially when you were aware of the good feelings it would invoke in the other and therefore infuse back to you? 

It sounds so easy and almost mechanical, but it is so effective and not doing it is so detrimental to the relationship.